Clarity

Looking in the mirror isn’t always easy. You see, I’m into this super rad thing called: 

denial

That whole “everything is super perfect and I’m perfectly fine because I’m a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need any help from anyone because I’ve got the messy not so perfect shtuff under control“… yeah, I’ve got that whole act down pat.

What I forget to tell myself is that not only is that thought process hurting myself, it also isn’t fair to those around me. I pride myself in being that person that people can come to. Someone that will listen, support, care. 

part of being that friend for others is being vulnerable and true to yourself and to them.
That’s typically the part that I miss.

Check out the #nooma video: identity. I often show it at retreats I lead for young adolescents. Right before I give my witness… which is nerve-wrecking, let me tell ya. But there is this desire to find our identity…

I recently had a mirror/identity/clarity experience as I was creating a video for an on-line application for a summer job. This was a really difficult task for me to complete for a couple of reasons…

1.) As you watch the video you will see short clips of myself talking about my beliefs, passions, and dreams… I wouldn’t say that it is hard for me to share those thoughts with people, but it was awkward watching the video after it was made because I am just not a sit in front of a camera and talk about your deepest desires kind of person.. I’m more of a face-to-face conversation kinda gal.

2.) You also see some clips of other people talking about me… I simply asked some of my friends to send me a short video clip either describing who I am or one of their favorite memories with me. It is extremely hard for me to take compliments for certain things because they are just a part of who I am. I feel weird being praised when I am able to carry out His plan for me because that’s why I was put on this earth.. To me, it’s like telling the air, “Thanks for being there for me to breathe.” It doesn’t make sense because one of the main functions of air is for us to breathe it in…. I feel like I was created to share His love in whatever way that looks like at all times. So, watching these video clips that friends sent me got real awkward, real fast.

3.) There are also a bunch of still pictures in the video, and like any other person, every single damn time I see a picture of myself I immediately dart my focus to all of my imperfections.

All three of these things deal with my sense of

identity

Who am I?

Who do other people think that I am?

How am I conveying myself to others?

How am I looking at others?

Am I defined by my past?

I have to remind myself that no matter what, I know where I came from, and in turn I know who I am. (God’s masterpiece). And so are you! In days of darkness and trial and when I feel like I’m hitting every dead end while on the journey to grow as a person and find where I’m supposed to be… I remind myself that GOD CREATED ME. The same God who created the stars, the sun, the moon, and life… He created me and you with a purpose

In times that I’m lost I have to remember that

we all have baggage.

I’m definitely not perfect. And by no means do I want you to think that I have all the answers. But, I think that’s the beauty about being human. We don’t have to have all of the answers. We don’t have to live up to these ridiculous expectations cast upon us by other people (and sometimes even ourselves). We’re allowed to be messy, and goof up. That’s all part of our 

story

And I think that all of these imperfections are beautiful. I’m doing the best that I can. And like I said in that video (if you didn’t watch it.. go watch it now), I think that’s all we can ask of one another… to do the best we possibly can at that given moment. And to accept someone else’s best even if we could do more or better or different. We should stop worrying about everyone else’s identity; past, mistakes, clothing style, friends, job, etc; and start worrying about walking down the path we were created to be on. 

Happy Thursdays,

C

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11 thoughts on “Clarity

  1. Well said, nobody is expected to be perfect. It is after we fall, that we learn to walk and it is after our wounds that we learn to be strong.

    Thank you for following my blog 🙂

  2. You as well!

    p.s. you made my night.. (Please don’t judge my ecstatic-teenage-girl-act…) but you are my first comment.. ever. And I definitely pulled a fist pump and giggle as I got the notification :p
    -C

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