When something traumatizing happens… your world stops. And the people affected by this event also stop.. for a short while. The difference is that, the world keeps moving. People keep living, keep laughing, keep going on. But you’re world is stopped.
You teeter-totter back and forth from being angry that you’re world hasn’t begun to move again and being so angry that theirs has…
Throughout these days, your emotions come in different waves… sadness, anger, peace… repeat…
-the longing for the pain to go away. In my situation… the sadness of coping with the fact that she’s gone. The sadness of watching my best friend mourn and be so broken. The sadness of the realization of the pain she must have been feeling.
-the longing for answers… In hindsight, everything is spelled out. The pain and feelings were written so blatantly for everyone to see. Looking through different things and seeing that she was reaching out in the only way that she knew how. The anger of knowing that this could have been stopped if people spoke up and cared a little sooner.
-the understanding that now, Kayla is in no more pain. I can find peace knowing that Kayla is free from her earthly struggles. I can find peace in the hope that her story will live on to help others. I can find peace in the memories of her throughout the day… and peace can be found in the love and support of the people in my life.
These waves are normal; natural. All of these feelings are crucial and necessary parts of grieving. Writing is a huge outlet for me… (hence the whole blog thing). It can help me to process through the different emotions and trials that life throws at me. Sometimes, writing things out helps me process things and find peace in things that I didn’t even know were on my heart.
I think that, for me, through writing these feelings out… it helps the rawness of my emotions become
For me, when I see it in print it becomes tangible. I can re-read it. I can touch it. I can read it aloud. I can hear it. It encompasses so many of my senses and I relate so well to it.
I know that at some point, no matter what traumatic event has happened…
you have to get back up.
You have to keep on keeping on.
You have to keep moving…
You still have a life to live.
You still have responsibilities and commitments.
life goes on
whether you want it to or not;
whether you avoid it or not;
it is a fact.
So, take the time you need to. Cry. Laugh. Smile. Frown. But at some point… step back up to the plate.
The interesting thing about pain, is that it doesn’t really go away. It might not be so raw after some time, but after a traumatic event… that pain leaves scars and wounds that will be with you for the rest of your life. I believe it is important to look to the scars and wounds as stepping stones that help propel us forward into the life that we are supposed to living as the person God created us to be.
Keep moving. Keep breathing. Keep living.
Let the waves keep crashing down because that’s what they were created to do.
“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.”